The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
