you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
