Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize