Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
