Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
