You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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