i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
