Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
