Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize