I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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