Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
