I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
