She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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