I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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