Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize