I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
where am i from again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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