you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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