Moan for me like Helen Keller
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
