worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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