are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
