There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
