I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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