But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
