the condom got lost in my hair
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
