Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dicks are not precious.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
