i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
