While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
