I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
