You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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