i just had sex bonerless
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize