Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
did you just send me my own nude
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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