Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
