when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize