No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
