I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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