Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize