Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
