I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
