I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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