i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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