Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
