Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize