So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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