Your mouth is God's brothel.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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