she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
