I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
