The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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