bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
