Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
