I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
