We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
