I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
