she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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