thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize