Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
birth control should be required to get into college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
