I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
