I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
