This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
