i just had sex bonerless
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
