I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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