My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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