I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
