I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
