at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
