new low.... made out with someone while peeing
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
