Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize