worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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