i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize